Snarking at Skymall

(Note: The scan above really doesn’t do Godard’s works “justice”. My Skymall scans are unquestionably fair use, but I think I’d be in danger of copyright violations if I included high-res scans of his art, so I urge my readers to go and check out a few of his works yourself before reading the rest of this post.)

“‘Oh my God…ard!’ Those are usually the first words out of people’s mouths when they view Michael Godard’s artwork.”

You know, I actually pretty much believe that. Well, okay, not the ridiculous “ard” part, but the rest of it.

“His paintings even adorn the walls of the officers’ lounge in the Pentagon.”

Well, you can’t get a better endorsement than that. If anybody knows good art, it’s the US military.

“Today, Michael Godard is considered one of the most prolific and influential artists of our time.”

Who exactly considers him influential? Because, you know, I’m a member of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and an occasional visitor to MOMA and PS1 (a contemporary art museum), and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a single work of art that looked like it was influenced by this stuff. “Prolific” I believe, though.

“Until now, ‘Footed Pajamas’ have been typically hard to find in adult sizes.”

You know, there’s a reason for that. Do you really want to look like this guy?

I guess, though, that these would be perfect if you’re a diaper fetishist, and people keep telling you that you need to grow up a little.

Okay, I have to admit that an animated plastic deer with a big red target on its chest is pretty damn classy. But I would never buy this–it would distract motorists from my “naked lady silhouette” mudflaps and my “keep honking, I’m reloading” bumper sticker.

It’s so lifelike, you’ll think you have the severed torso of a freshly-murdered Elvis impersonator right there in your living room!  His dead eyes stare accusingly at you, as if to say, “Why did I have to die?  Just so that I could sit here and sing for your sick amusement?  Please, let me rest in my grave!”